A bit of mixing and matching

I have recently successfully applied for a new role at work which means for the first time in my illustrious career, I will actually be line managing staff.  I have successfully avoided this for nearly fourteen years, so this is quite a big deal for me.  It seems to me to be a disgustingly grown-up type thing to do (NB: I may be turning forty next year but I am still waiting to feel like an adult and suspect that it may never happen).

Anyway, I’ve had a very busy few weeks: first there was the preparing for the interview and then doing the intervew and then afterwards the worrying about the outcome of the interview which obviously all took up quite a lot of time.  And then when said outcome was revealed there was the slight panic that I have a lot of work to try and wrap up in a relatively short period.  So the little time in the day that I used to carve out for blogging seemed to disappear. 

Anyway, it always seem slightly self important to explain one’s absence from the Blogosphere, as if people out there were genuinely wondering why I hadn’t posted a meal plan or a vaguely food / diet relate ramble, so I will drop the subject without further ado.

The fact that I am moving to this now role on the 3 June (it is more a symbolic than an actual move since my new desk will be located about two rows away from my current desk) has got me all excited for a Fresh Start.  All perennial dieters love a Fresh Start.  Mondays, of course, are Fresh Starts on a miniature scale.  The first of a month is also a Fresh Start and I get especially excited when the first of a month falls on a Monday because it is a Fresh Start Squared.  A new job sits outside of these and yet it is still a lovely opportunity to Draw A Line. 

I’m just trying to work out at the moment what this Fresh Start will look like so that I can take full advantage of the opportunity and the explanation of my new plan is rather convoluted, so bear with.

I realised the other day that if I had lost a mere half a pound most weeks since I started blogging, then, even allowing for, say, a couple of pounds the other way at Christmas and over the summer I would be over ten stone lighter.  I never needed to be over ten stone lighter so, in fact, I would be at goal and maintaining.  And yet, along the way, half a pound would have felt so puny and insignificant.

To lose half a pound, you have to create a rough calorie deficit of 1,750.  If you spread that over weekdays alone, that’s just 350 calories a day!  350 calories is nothing!  With this in mind, I started thinking – what about if I just tried to shave a small amount off my calorie intake from Monday – Friday with an aim of just drifting down by half a pound a week, but doing it in such a way that was genuinely sustainable, would genuinely have a minimal impact on my life.  And this is the combination of techniques that I came up with:

Intermittent fasting: a common manifestation of this is 16/8 which means you limit the window during which you eat to just 8 hours a day.  So, my plan is to stop eating after dinner (usually around 8pm for us) and then not eat for 16 hours (which takes me to noon the following day).  Some days it might be later, some days it might be earlier, but it doesn’t matter; the key is just to get that 16 hour fast in. 

Weight Watchers: from the breaking of the fast until, say, six in the evening, my plan is to count points, with the broad aim of having around a third of my total allowance during this time.  This shouldn’t have a major impact since I’m usually at work and taking a pack-up so by sticking with plenty of zero point fruit and veg and lean protein, I should be able to eat something fairly decent.

Then, for just two hours a day, no rules apply other than trying to eat mindfully – i.e. not for the sake of it, not too much (very akin to the principles of HDE).  I might even keep a paper food diary just to help encourage this mindfulness (nothing like putting you off eating an entire tube of Pringles if you then have to write it down).  This means that we can cook and enjoy an evening meal – and many of the meals we have are fairly healthy and low point anyway because the years of WWing mean that I tend to keep portion sizes down and veg content high anyway – without having to measure every swig of oil, without having to avoid certain foodstuffs because they are just not diet friendly. 

There is additional flexibility in that there is no reason why the two hour HDE window has to be in the evening – so if I want to go out for lunch with my team, for example, I can do that and then count points for the afternoon / evening.  Which, again, is easy enough.

I reckon doing this should be enough to get me the 350 calorie saving that I need.  Of course, this also means that weekends are free too, but again, the eating needs to be mindful because I would need to be aiming for roughly maintenance calories in order to preserve the deficit.

If I could achieve this, it would be a stone by Christmas.  It sounds pitifully slow but I refer you back to my earlier point – time passes and it’s all very well to lose weight more quickly but if you can’t sustain it over a long period then it’s all for nothing.  It might go back on, it might not but you’re never going to reach the end point because there are too many barriers.  Sustaining something, anything, has always been the issue for me and I think that is because deep down I want the freedom to cook and enjoy good food more than I want to be thinner.  I need to use the tools that I have to make minor tweaks to almost fool myself into changing.

I’m going to give it a whirl anyway, and will report back when I’ve got a month or so under my (managerial) belt.

New year, new you?

What is it about January 1st that makes us all think we will suddenly ditch our every bad habit and arise from the ashes of our previous failures like a glorious, slender, beautiful, healthy, mindful, balanced pheonix?  I've lived through enough Januaries now to know that it NEVER happens and, also, that the darkest, wettest, coldest more miserable time of you is probably the period in which you are least likely to succeed in instituting lasting changes.

With regards to weight loss, I long ago tried to ditch the "I want to weigh xxx by yyy" because, well, that way certain madness lies.  And it most definitely has improved my general relationship with food such that I have managed to end the last two years lighter than when I began them, which is progress in the right direction. 

My experience trying WW Flex last year was a really positive one.  I lost weight and felt like I was eating really well.  But after a couple of months, the old itchiness started creeping back in.  I started resenting the constant measuring and tracking and starting yearning for all those things that just didn't fit naturally into the programme.

Previous to that, I managed to lose weight successfully, and keep it off, using intermittent fasting and here, too, I see many benefits.  You get all the unpleasantness out of the way across two days and the rest of the time you learn to practice moderation.  And you really do - no longer are you stuffing in a full size pizza because "diet starts tomorrow".  But the fast days were really, really hard - I'm horrible to be around when my blood sugar gets too low - and increasingly I was making excuses to skip one or both fasts a week.  Which means you're then just eating normally all the time - which is fine if you're maintaining but not if you have weight to lose.

It strikes me that by combining the two I might be on to a winner.  One fast day a week - not fun, sure, but doable.  To counter: one "day off" built into the week: a day to cook that roast pork belly recipe that won't fit in to your daily points, or get that takeaway or eat that doughnut.  Five days a week of counting.  Maybe four - if I can get away with a day and a half "off" (generally Friday evening and Saturday) and still lose a pound a week, I'd be perfectly happy.

So that's the long term plan.  But, for now, I'm using January to lay the groundwork.  I'm not back to pointing yet but I have instituted the one day a week fasting.  For the rest, I'm concentrating on getting back to eating in a regular, moderate way after the madness that is the latter half of December.  Snacks are out, midweek drinkies are definitely out (alcohol reserved for weekends only).  Plenty of vegetable based meals.  A proper routine at bedtime and in the morning to get my sleep sorted out.  More steps daily, even if it just means getting of the bus a stop early.  Little, healthy habits.  It's not dramatic or exciting but I think, from now, on I'm treating January as less of a fresh start and more of a gentle transition.

Radio silence is never a good sign

At least in diet blog land. It generally means that someone has fallen off the wagon and is sitting by the side of the road with chocolate round their mouth.

Yep, that me. Not so much with the chocolate, actually, I tend to have more of a savoury tooth these days. But things have gone rather horribly wrong.

Excuse number 1: work related stress levels have been rather high in our household recently and neither of us have been taking care of ourselves very well. I even (oh, the shame!) bought an M&S ready meal on the way home the other week for us to have for dinner.

Excuse number 2: it is D’s birthday next week. It is a Big Birthday, ending in a zero, and every week there have been celebratory events arranged. Yes, he has contrived a month long birthday and he’s been working so hard lately that I can’t begrudge him. I could have made sensible choices, I did not.

Ach, it’s annoying but...there you go. As I write this, I’m also realising that somewhere, at the back of my mind, I wrote off October ages ago because we’ve got a holiday at the end of it (we fly to Venice on Monday for a few nights). How’s that for crooked thinking (to steal Lesley’s very useful phrase)?

Anyway, fresh start after the holiday and who cares if it the billionty first fresh start - each time I get a little bit closer. And hopefully I’ll get around to some fun Venice food posts next week while we’re away. Potential food porn alert!

The wages of sin

Well, the scores are in and after shamefully missing not one but two weigh ins, and consuming more points over this last weekend than a good Weight Watcher does in a year I have gained...

2.5 lbs.

So that’s not bad at all. And every glorious mouthful was worth it. I will NEVER be the kind of person who attempts to point while on holiday.

Back to it now and I’m hoping that a good week can get that back off again. There are another thirteen weigh ins before Christmas - I could easily be a stone down by then with a bit of focus. Onwards and downwards!

Frightened of slim?

I have always tended to gain weight in periods of emotional difficulty and distress. When I am happy – or, even, just not excessively miserable / stressed / anxious, I maintain without even having to think about it. I’ve been doing a little bit of navel gazing recently because I am genuinely intrigued as to why this is. The brain makes very powerful connections that sometimes we’re not aware of until we start picking at them.

Firstly, and most obviously, “comfort eating” is a thing because of chemical reactions in the brain caused by certain types of food. And, equally, the reason most of us have particular foods that we turn to in times of need is because there is some sort of happy association – possibly with childhood. But I’ve recently started to wonder if, for me, there’s another element to it – which is, on some level I think that being overweight is a safer, happier place than being slim.

When I was growing up I was a plump, clever teenager. I was surrounded by a nice group of likeminded friends and a loving, supportive family. I was bookish and musical. I didn’t really have boyfriends or, indeed, much interest in boys at all until I was quite a bit older. I was happy and fulfilled; I never thought of myself as one of the pretty, popular set but it didn’t particularly bother me. Except, of course, the media (even back then) bombarded young girls with the idea that being slim is the only acceptable aesthetic and so, probably even without really thinking what the outcome would be or why that outcome would be desirable, I dieted. I got thin.

Here’s the kicker though – I don’t think that being thin (and when I was seventeen / eighteen I was actually thin rather than slim) ever made me any happier and, in fact, the constant restrictive eating and the battles with my concerned parents and teachers combined with A-levels and university entrance interviews made life really rather stressful. I started to regain weight.

A few years later, I lost it again. Now I was in my early twenties and at my first job fresh out of university. I worked in a warehouse office, answering phones to delivery drivers (oh, the glamour!). It was a very aggressively male environment. I was young, I was female, I had a habit of dressing slightly provocatively (you can take the girl out of Essex…) and for the first time in my life I found myself the serious object of male attention. Looking back, I think that I was terrified and utterly out of my depth. I constantly felt that I was playing at being the cheerleader when really I wanted to run back to the library and hide. Again, it was not a happy time for me. When I met D and settled down with him, the weight began to creep back on – and I do wonder if, in part, it was my subconscious’s way of saying that I was now “off the market”.

It’s surely no surprise that, if the two main periods in my life when I was slim were both unhappy ones, I might eat not just to make myself feel better in the moment but to maintain a status quo that, on some level, I think will bring me more happiness? I’ve never really thought of that before, but it does make sense.

So how to overcome this? I think my current approach of focusing on the health aspects rather than the aesthetic ones is the right course for now. I also think that I need to ensure that any goal setting is health related rather than predicated on an aspirational dress size. There will be no skinny jeans or bikini hung on the back of the wardrobe door (although, in all honesty, I think I could get down to 8 stone and you wouldn’t see me in a bikini. I have never been comfortable with the idea of essentially wandering round the beach in your underwear. And I never go to the beach. So…)

The most important thing is to be alert and aware. Back when I was doing CBT a few years ago, my absolute favourite phrase was “Hold your stories loosely”. It means that we are all capable of change, of rewriting our own truths. So what steps can I take now to convince my brain to disassociate being slim with being scared and miserable? Answers, as ever, on a postcard!

A post weigh-in post

Well, I am surely glad that I did write my pre weigh-in post before I went to the meeting. Because the scales were not kind. In fact, they were positively bitchy, informing me that I had managed to gain a pound over the course of the last week.

I’m no stranger to gains – they’re a fact of life, and I try to be sanguine about them but, oh! This stung quite a lot. Such that I could actually feel my eyes get hot and prickly when I stepped off, even while I was cheerfully telling the leader that I wouldn’t let this put me off and would give it another good go this week. Then I went to the meeting shop and spent £7 on over-processed WW own products that are full of the type of sugar replacements that people with delicate tummies should probably avoid.

But while waiting for the meeting to start, I actually sat and read my own post and it did make me feel a lot better. So what if the scales are taking a while to catch up? I know, in my heart of hearts, that I did my very best this week, that I made good decisions, and that I took proper care of myself. Hopefully, good results will follow (said with gritted teeth).

In other news, someone emailed me a few weeks ago to say that this blog had been listed as one of the Top 5 UK Weight Watchers Blogs and Websites in 2018. I’m not sure how many UK Weight Watchers Blogs there are (probably 5), and I’m not quite sure that this has actually been a Weight Watchers blog for a while but hey! We take our victories where we can. And the thumbnail of Minx they have used is one of my favourites so it’s worth a click just to admire her.

Summer in the city - a weekend round-up

I didn’t want to go down to London last weekend, I’ll be totally honest. I was nervous about being away from home – from D, from the cat, from familiar surroundings - and, bluntly, from my bathroom. I also did not want to have to spend a weekend guestimating points just a few days in to my newest and shiniest WW attempt.

I had more or less made up my mind not to go but D wasn’t having any of it. I don’t envy him much of the time; living with someone who is very anxious must be exhausting. You constantly have to be strong for them, to push them to overcome their entirely irrational fears. So I was effectively frogmarched on to the bus on Saturday morning – but, in the end, all was well and I had a lovely time and have come back with that new sense of confidence which comes from venturing outside the comfort zone. Thank you, D.

Of course, the fact remains that I have two days where my tracker may be way, way off. Well, actually, I think that I am fine for Sunday since we ate in and I was able to find all food items in the catalogue. I winced a bit that the innocent looking honey and seed rolls that we had for lunch turned out to be 9 Smart Points, but heigh-ho, that’s what weeklies are for.

Saturday night required a lot more guesswork, but whether I’m under or over, the meal itself was worth it. We went to a restaurant called Ember Yard in Fitzrovia and it was LOVELY - especially gratifying given that I suggested it. It’s a menu of small plates with a Spanish and Italian slant – some of the dishes are recognisable from the typical tapas repertoire, others not so much. Highlights included (surprisingly) chargrilled flatbread with thyme and smoked butter (so good we immediately ordered another) and a lovely special of sea bass with ajo blanco.

Seabass!

Bread!

I tried a little bit of everything, but stuck to water rather than indulging in wine or cocktails and then, in lieu of a dessert (tough going – the churros looked amazing) I ordered a double espresso and a single dark chocolate and Pedro Ximenez truffle (which item I thought was a really clever addition to the dessert menu). A divine full stop to the meal.

Truffle!

Also – if you’ll forgive me ditching the food talk for a minute – we went to the open air theatre in Regent’s Park, to see a production of “As You Like It” which was brilliant! Such a funny, sweet, silly rendering of the play, which I hitherto hadn’t considered one my favourite of Shakespeare’s comedies. The musical settings were a little bit cheesy but the cast carried them off with aplomb and the whole thing was an absolute joy. I’ve never seen a bad production there – and it’s a lovely venue if the weather holds out. If you’re London based and find yourself at a loose end, get thee hence.

After returning in such a good mood, I am not exactly sure what misguided impulse compelled me to jump on the bathroom scales yesterday morning. I haven’t weighed myself on them for a while, so I have no idea how my weight today relates to my official WI last Wednesday. If I was expecting to see a large drop after a whole four days of counting, I was doomed to disappointment. Not for nothing does lovely Peridot call them the Scales of Doom, because I immediately felt sulky and annoyed and resentful. The answer is clear – official weigh ins ONLY from now on and a focus on progress rather than perfection.

Hard part over...

First meeting – check. D walked me to the doors to prevent me from chickening out. Fortunately, the meeting venue is about a two minute (slow) walk from our front door so there is literally no excuse to go, come rain or shine.

It was fine, as these things always are. My weight was, almost to the pound, identical to my pre-op weight last year (the best point of comparison since both are done fully clothed). So I’ve definitely proved that I can do maintenance. It is a small victory, but one to which I cling.

The revised plan sounds quite interesting. Chicken, fish, eggs, fat free plain yoghurt and pulses and now all zero point, alongside the old fruit and veg zero heroes. Hurrah! However, daily and weekly allowances are down. Boo. I still find the Smart Points formula far more restrictive than the old Pro Points one – foods high in fat and sugar are punitively high and the foods that they have selected as zero point definitely suggest that they are pushing people towards a more protein based diet (and I am a self-avowed carb monster). However, I think that this is going to be doable. Many of my favourite meals will likely take up a good two thirds of my daily points allowance, but I can stick to practically zero for breakfast (fruit and yoghurt) and lunch (salad and protein or soup).

Last hurrah supper – check. Pizza, from our divine local takeaway. Didn’t manage to eat it all, so it languishes in the fridge at the moment. Actually, that wasn’t hard at all (although resisting the leftovers might be).

First fully tracked day – check. I came in with two points to spare, which have been “rolled over” into my weeklies (you can now save up to four a day which is another innovation, and most welcome). Fruit, couscous and chicken salad, salmon with pasta pesto. Full of first day fervour, I found it relatively easy to avoid snacks and swiped away the offer of lunchtime fish and chips with nary a quiver.

So – hurdles yet to overcome. I’m away Saturday and Sunday, popping down to London for a night to see friends. It’s a shame that I can’t get one full week of “proper” tracking under my belt, since obviously I’m going to have to make some guestimates away from home. But I’ve already decided to eschew drinking and will just try and make sure that my food choices are as sensible as possible. Hopefully the Scales Of Doom (TM- Peridot) will look favourably on my efforts next Wednesday.

Sunshine, lollipops and a new blog post

Long-time no blog!  It is probably a little self-indulgent to say that I hope that I haven’t been missed – but I feel it is slightly justified given that lovely Hazel left a comment on my last post saying she missed my Meal Planning Mondays!  I promise to reintroduce them forthwith.  With regards the radio silence:

 

Reason the first – my digestive discomfort issues have been continuing.  I have always prided myself on the robustness of my digestive system and this has been unpleasant and disconcerting.  I finally plucked up the courage to go the GP and it is probably something very simple related to stomach bile (sorry if TMI) post gallbladder surgery.  It is not uncommon and can be controlled with medication.  So once anything more sinister is ruled out (and giving that all of this has only kicked off post surgery it seems highly unlikely) I will be rendered as right as rain by the wonder of our NHS.  Happy days.

 

Reason the second – which is related to reason the first.  Long term readers will know that, from time to time, I have a bit of an issue with anxiety.  Or rather, Anxiety, because anxiety is when you’re a little bit worried about a presentation that you have to do at work the following day and Anxiety is when you are frightened to leave your bedroom for reasons that are obscure even to you.  It’s frightfully common nowadays – the go-to mental health issue de nos jours, so I feel like something of a cliché but there you have it.  Fretting about my health and always trying to ensure the nearest toilet was within easy access in case of emergencies combined with my existing predisposition and made me…well, a bit shaky.  I don’t want to dwell on this too much – if it’s boring and tedious to me then it is undoubtedly boring and tedious to you.  Needless to say, fasting went by the wayside (low blood sugar is the last thing you need when you’re wobbling anyway) as did much cooking or, indeed, taking much pleasure in food.  (Sorry for the melodrama – can you understand why I didn’t post now?)

 

I haven’t weighed myself in a while but from the feel of clothes and suchlike I think it is all relatively stable but I’ve not been eating particularly well and that is stupid, because one of the best things to do for your mental health is to ensure that your diet and fitness are on point.  So that leads me to reason the third why I’ve been a bit reluctant to blog.  I’ve decided to go back to WW for a bit.

 

I know that I swore off it and I truly believe that, in the longer term, intermittent fasting will enable me to maintain my weight without being a slave to the pointing and weighing and measuring.  But I also believe that just for now, a bit of structure, something to focus on, would be a Good Thing.  And if I can ditch a few pounds in the process it will be an Even Better Thing.  I don’t intend to be evangelical about it.  I will eat out and have nights off – life is too short to never eat another takeaway.  And I will continue to monitor the situation.  If the return doesn’t justify the effort well, then, I’ll stop.

 

I’ve already signed up for the app and will be going to my first meeting tonight.  I’m intrigued about the new plan – it seems to be edging ever closer to Slimming World with more zero point foods – including lean poultry, fish, eggs and pulses.  I struggled initially when WW switched from Pro Points to Smart Points so it remains to be seen if the further changes make it more or less doable.  Regardless, a healthy project is just what I need at the moment to take my mind off my own navel. 

Chips, cheese, chips and cheese

Heavy snow at the end of last week meant that we were slightly worried about the journey up to Mull. Luckily, the roads were clear but we were treated to stunning views like this:

It's been grey skies and rain for most of our time here; fortunately we don't come to Scotland for the weather. And, at last, this morning we have been treated to the clearest of blue skies and an island awash with winter sunshine.

As I mentioned in my last post, not much is open here. And the places that are open are offering somewhat limited menus. Which means for the last week we have basically been eating things accompanied by chips or covered with cheese.

On one occasion I ordered a macaroni cheese and it came WITH CHIPS. Just...why? Actually, the real question is why did I eat most of them...

I think it's safe to say that the 2.4 lbs I lost during the first two weeks of the year will be back on Monday and they may be bringing a couple of friends with them. Ah well. It's been a lovely, relaxing break but I am well and truly stodged out which means that I am positively looking forward to a couple of days of fasting next week (remind me of that when I'm drooping and moaning on Monday!)

In which I re-commit to 5:2

I've been thinking about what I did at the start of the year that worked so successfully.  And what I can add to those techniques in order to be even more successful.  Here's my list so far...

1) A food diary.  Practically every day in January, I carefully recorded what I had eaten.  It might sound a little obsessive but it never took long, and I kind of enjoyed it.  It focuses you; even though no one else was reading it, I wanted the food that I recorded to look good...let's be honest, who wants to actually have to write that they've scoffed half a pack of Hobnobs?

2) Alcohol.  I've mentioned this before, I'm sure.  I love a drink.  But my weight loss noticeably speeds up when I cut it out.  I'm not going to promise to cut if out altogether, but for "5:2 2.0" there will be absolutely none on school nights (unless for a very particular reason) and I will limit consumption at the weekends by focusing on higher quality, low volume.

3) Meal planning.  Whatever diet you're doing, meal planning is pretty key.  I also need to make sure that I'm planning lunches and breakfasts as well - I'd like to limit snacks and treats and a surefire way to do that is to make sure that I'm eating properly at meal times.

4) Ah, yes, snacks and treats.  The odd biscuit or packet or crisps or piece of chocolate is absolutely fine, but I need to keep an eye on consumption levels.  I'd like to limit myself to one "treat" a day, maybe relaxing slightly at the weekends. So that could be a biscuit with an afternoon cup or tea OR a packet of cheeky cheese and onion when I get home OR a few Maltesers after dinner.  Not all three.

5) Exercise.  Yes, this again.  Lesley has nagged me about it before and with good reason - I need to make time for this and commit to a proper programme of activity.  There's a hotel across the road from my office with a proper pool - I'd love to treat myself to monthly membership so that I could fit in some swimming.  I'd also quite like to try some yoga classes, as I think this would help with my anxiety issues as well as being good, gentle exercise,  but I'm not going to shell out a penny until I've proved to myself that I can make exercise part of my schedule.  We have a treadmill in the garage, I have the couch to 5k app on my phone - it's free, it's easy, it's effective there is NO EXCUSE.

I reckon if I can stick to all these edicts, as well as two fast days a week, I can get things moving again in six weeks.  Game face on!

Excuses, excuses

So, I promised a bit of a retrospective post to talk about 5:2 and how the year was going.

I have talked on here on a couple of occasions about how 5:2 is hard but not that hard.  Fast days are rubbish but they are doable if you are organised and if you just get past the fact that being a bit hungry is not going to kill you.  I'm therefore a bit disappointed that our fast days have got a lot more sporadic in recent weeks.

There is a bit of a reason - or is it an excuse?  I always strive to be honest on this blog, albeit optimistically honest (is that a thing?) so I might as well say that, particularly since the break in, my anxiety levels have been high and I've not always been feeling 100%.  I've been on anti anxiety medication in the past but I don't like that as a solution so I'm trying to deal with it myself.  And I've noticed that low blood sugar can exacerbate physical symptoms of anxiety so I've been a bit wary of fasting.  Ha, written down that looks exactly like an excuse!

My weight has remained pretty stable throughout - I'm currently a couple of pounds shy of a two stone loss for the year.  That's amazing BUT the majority of that loss came in the first couple of months.  That is not amazing.

I've made peace with the fact that I am never going to be a skinny girl again, but I would like to lose enough that I am an unremarkable size and, more importantly, enough that I am not endangering my future health.  I really want 5:2 to work for that because I am shit scared of the alternative.  The alternative is going back to a more regimented plan - a Weight Watchers or a Slimming World.  And that makes me want to cry; I love being liberated from counting, from obsessively measuring out every teaspoon of oil or knob of butter.  I actually enjoy going to the fridge an being able to sling something together from bits and pieces of leftovers and not having to worry as I go along that it will involve more points than I have left for the day.  I cook and eat well and have found my own natural balance (as evidenced by the fact that, even without fasting, I have maintained my weight).

But, if 5:2 isn't going to get me to where I need to be then I have no choice.

So, here's the deal.  I am re-committing to 5:2 wholeheartedly for the next 6 or so weeks, which takes us to the end of August.  It would be nice to knock off half a stone or so in that time, although any downwards movement would be good.  If I haven't made any more progress then I'm going to have to start on an alternative route come September.

It's blogged and therefore I have to stick to it, right?

2017: and so it begins

Happy new year lovely blog readers! Sorry for the delay in getting back to you, I basically decided to do the square root of FA over the Christmas period and very nice and indulgent it was too. We ate, drank and were generally merry for most of the time. I turned another year older, which briefly curtailed the merriment as I reflected on the fact that I am now ANCIENT. But I got a lot of lovely presents, which eased the pain.

Some of said presents were very much on a theme of food so I think warrant a mention here. D, who is an awesome giver of gifts, has booked me on to a one day artisan bread making course at Betty's Cookery School in Harrogate – that made me squee quite a lot. D2 (my brother) presented me with a leg of Serrano ham, complete with stand, which is currently sat on our dining table taunting us every time we walk past. He also gave me a sack of goodies which contains everything I need in order to cook Korean food. Expect a report back on my adventures in Kimchee making shortly, I’ve been meaning to try for ages and now have no excuse!

Of course, after the indulgence comes the encounter with the Scales of Doom (TM Peridot). I hopped on gloomily on Monday morning and was up 3.4lbs from my last weigh in. A bit of an ouch, but considering said last weigh in took place on a Thursday in mid-December just after a fast day, it could have been a lot worse. Two and a half weeks of indulgence in exchange for a quarter of a stone isn’t the end of the world.

Now here we are on Thursday and D and I have completed our two fast days for the week (Monday and Wednesday). They were not easy, I’ll be honest. In fact, I spent a good chunk of Monday asleep to try and distract from the misery (the advantage of fasting on a Bank Holiday). But, as of this morning, the scales have dropped a whopping 4.2lbs. I don’t expect to maintain the whole of that loss over the weekend, but seeing that quick fall has really inspired me to try and be sensible during the coming non-fast days. I think this is one diet plan where daily weighing might be a help rather than a hindrance.

Anyway, the truth will out come next Monday. In the meantime, I hope that all of you have a fab start to 2017 and look forward to sharing another year’s worth of eating, dieting, cat-stroking and general, all-purpose bimbling with you.

The 5:2 diet - an initial review

Coming into the holiday period, with far more social engagements popping up than is usual, it is going to be tough over the next few weeks to fit in the requisite fast days so D and I are being relatively easygoing about it. We always knew that this initial stab was going to be experimental and, potentially, shortlived but it has also most definitely proved worthwhile.

Here is what we have learned so far:

Fasting is hard, but not impossible. Sticking to high protein foods such as eggs (D has been eating a lot of hard boiled eggs) and low calorie / high volume items such as cherry tomatoes (surprisingly low for a great, sweet, toothsome return) and keeping well hydrated are essential.

We thought that we would want to “spend” most of our calories on a substantial evening meal, however, on the days where supper happened to come in at less than 200 calories (usually when we’re sharing a tub of fresh soup) that bit of additional flexibility has been most welcome. So we’re going to try and aim for 200 calories or thereabouts in the evening. Soup is perfect for this, if you can get past craving a chunk of bread and butter on the side.

Weight loss is not a given, however much you think you deserve it after two days of feeling a bit cold, hungry and grumpy. We were both slightly up last week despite successfully completing two days of fasting. What you do on non-fast days is just as important as what you do on the fasting ones.

So this is the plan for version 2.0 commencing in January:

A food diary apiece. Keeping accountable, even if it just to a pretty notebook, of what we eat every day will hopefully stop too much extra creeping in. The odd treat is fine, but a non-fast day is not an excuse to pig out. And balance is vital – if you’re having a more indulgent meal than usual (hello, chicken tartiflette) then keep the rest of the day simple and light. It’s just common sense.

And talking of treats, it is especially noticeable this time of year how easy it is to drink your way through excess calories. We both like a tipple or five but we are cutting right back.

One thing that is vital - planning and preparation on fast days. Everything needs to be in place so that we don’t have to think and we don’t have to rely on purchasing food items on the hop.

And exercise – a dirty word as far as I’m concerned but one that I need to get to grips with (how many times have I said that on this blog over the years?) Lesley is doing amazingly well at the moment with little more than a FitBit and a pair of dogs. I don’t think Minx would appreciate being taken for a walk but I have a FitBit that I can dust off and I have a treadmill in the garage so there is no excuse for not upping my steps and getting a bit more active. D has even challenged me to run a 10k by the end of 2017!

I’m really pleased to have a clear plan of action for after the holidays, and also that these last few weeks have seen me shave off a few pounds – not much, by any means, but a start. I have a roadmap in my pocket and I’m going to enjoy Christmas with a clear view of what I need to do once it is all over.

No direction

For the past few weeks, this blog has been little more than a series of meal plans which, while clearly an important part of social history to be preserved for future generations, hardly makes for riveting reading.

And I was out with my Mum yesterday afternoon and she asked me when the blog would go back to being about Weight Watchers. To which I replied, it won't because Smart Points kind of killed off Weight Watchers for me. The trouble is, I have yet to embrace a viable alternative.

One option is, of course, just to admit final defeat but when I really think about it, I don't want to. I talk a good talk about embracing self acceptance, and I'm certainly past making weight a moral issue, but I would be happier smaller. I'm not even talking small-small, just small enough to be healthy and unremarkable. But I feel like I have used up every ounce of dieting mojo allotted to me. Dieting is SO BORING. It is so much effort and so joyless.

I must admit, I've wondered about going down the VLCD route - a few months of Lighter Life or Cambridge to remove food from the equation and just get some pounds off but, ugh. Joyless to the power ten. Plus, I don't know if my marriage would survive.

It's all most irritating. But, while I continue to thrash around on the horns of my oh-so-first-world dilemma, I promise to make a more concerted effort to blog. I've got some excellent sushi to tell you about and a book to review just for starters, plus tomorrow's meal plan which I know is awaited with baited breath...

MPM: 13th June 2016 (with added musings on when a diet blog is not a diet blog)

Once upon a time, this was a blog that was not just about good food but about proving that it was possible to eat good food AND lose weight.  It has drifted from that in recent times which is sad.  On the one hand, I love writing my little blog which is a wonderful aide memoire for all our foodie based adventures.  On the other hand, the weight loss thing has fallen by the wayside, for all the posts in the archive (and there are many) which proclaim fresh starts and renewed endeavour.

At the moment, I genuinely feel like I am juggling one too many balls to add dieting in to the mix as well.  It's not that I am overeating particularly, it's just that dieting requires time and effort and energy which I don't have to spare.  But D and I have both agreed that something needs to be done (he wants to lose a bit of weight as well) and, once this current spate of exams is over, we will both take steps to do it.  In the meantime, we are trying to at the very least commit to cooking and eating well, and meal planning is an absolutely fundamental part of that.

It helps that we both enjoy meal planning, but for all that, it seems to fall by the wayside in times of stress.  Not this time.  This has to be the one habit that is so ingrained that it never falls by the wayside.

So, onto this week.  I will be mostly in the study, weeping over tax manuals.

Monday: unusually, we're having the same dish that we had last Monday, which is poached trout and asparagus with minted mayonnaise and new potatoes.  The original recipe called for minted hollandaise but we decided that making hollandaise was a wee bit faffy for midweek, so just added the required flavourings to (shhh!) shop bought mayo (D favours Mellow Yellow).  It's such a nice combination of flavours and perfect for the time of year.

Tuesday: odds and ends salad - shredded roast chicken, 'nduja onions and goats' cheese croutons

Wednesday: Butternut squash and tarragon soup, with homemade baguettes for dunking

Thursday: a real favourite dish of mine!  Spaghetti vongole (from Russell Norman's recipe in "Polpo").

Friday: a no cooking night - we're indulging in our once a month treat of fish and chips (you can tell that we're middle aged though, as we order one portion of chips to share. I don't have the capacity that I did in my youth!)

Saturday: the plan is to go to the coast with D's dad and sister as a Father's Day outing.  D is going to slow cook a batch of his famous chilli con carne for us to eat when we get home.

Sunday: salmon with pasta pesto.  It's a tradition on the eve of exams.

That's our lot, mes amies, and a very tasty looking lot it is too.  Have a wonderful week of good cooking, eating and whatever other -ing tickles your pickle.