What a difference a year makes

Although the blog entries for this time last year sound quite cheery, I wasn’t really a very happy camper. A bit like a Primark Christmas jumper, the appearance from a distance was festive but, up close, I was a bit sad and bobbly. And for all that I talked about “getting it together” in the New Year, and looking after myself properly, it didn’t really happen.

Being separated was one of the most painful, difficult things I have ever been through. I suppose it is a measure of my very privileged life that I can say that, but there it is. I love my husband very much and felt very bereft and lonely without him. More than that though, I felt like I had failed at being a wife, and, by extension, a woman. Yes, no doubt it looks and sounds melodramatic but, again, there it is.

I hope to do one final post on the CBT sessions I had earlier this year at some point as they came along at just the right time and helped me in a very meaningful way, which was unexpected. Such that, if (God forbid), such a thing were ever to happen again, I feel like I would be far better equipped to deal with it. I feel better equipped to deal with life in general. That has been 2013’s great gift to me – that, and the fact that I have been given a second chance to make my marriage work for which I am deeply and profoundly grateful.

The last couple of months have seen everything begin to come together with regards weight loss (and let’s not forget that is supposed to be the raison d’être of this particular blog) which is wonderful and I hope that success continues into the New Year. But I suspect it is an effect, rather than a cause, of my general sense of contentment and well being.

I certainly don’t think I have all the answers yet – I don’t suppose I ever will – and I think I have further work to do next year, especially with regards balancing all the disparate aspects of my life (journeys of self discovery are all very well, but if they lead to you losing a bit of focus at work then you end up spending the last couple of weeks before the Christmas holidays working very hard to ensure that you are on top of everything, and that eats in to mulled wine time). But, hey, that’s all part of the journey I suppose.

And speaking of journeys, thank you to all of you who have walked alongside me (in a virtual sense) this year for your company. It, you are always appreciated. In case I don’t get the chance to post again before the big day, can I just wish everyone who reads this blog a very, very, very merry Christmas and hope that 2014 brings you peace, joy and plenty of cake.